


Hourglass

by lost_in_a_book



Category: Attack - Fandom, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst?, Gay, M/M, Sad, kinda like a vent fic for me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-03
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-07-12 02:30:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7081105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lost_in_a_book/pseuds/lost_in_a_book
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean observes Eren as he is training and his thoughts sprial from there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hourglass

**Author's Note:**

> twitter: @transtwelve  
> tumblr: @sphinxtrio
> 
> im sad and gay!

He is mesmerizing.

I cannot pull my eyes off him, I cannot bear to look away from him, for fear I might miss something. When Eren has these moments you think they would be common, but they’re a rarity and a treasure to behold. To Sasha, they’re like finding a wild boar on an expedition. The energy that comes off him is powerful and makes you stop in your tracks. I have never seen Eren look so glorious and power hungry in all my time in the corps. Sometimes I don’t even think he’s human, he’s so animalistic it truly drives me insane. He bares his teeth like a wolf when he’s slicing his blade through the wooden titan’s neck, it’s only a practice but he takes it so seriously. 

The way he glides through the air is even more graceful than a dove, he flies with ease, yet with passion driving him the whole way. Passion courses through his veins, I swear he’s made of it. If I ever see the day Eren loses his passion, i’ll lose myself. His passion keeps me afloat; well all of us afloat, he’s like the sun rays that appear after a dark storm. In all the shit that we have gone through, he’s always there brighter than before. 

Sometimes I laugh about how he is; he’s just so unbelievable it makes my chest hurt. Sometimes I cry about how he is; he’s just so unbelievable that I’m terrified he may get injured. I’m terrified that one day, the light will burn out and we’ll be covered in a storm that lasts for months, maybe years. The walls are suffocating but nothing is a suffocating as the feeling of dread that washes over me every single fucking day, it crashes down on me like waves and I feel like I’m dying. It creeps up on me like the titans do, one minute they’re there and the next minute they’re gone. Sometimes it’s too powerful that I don’t know what to do with myself. My chest aches or maybe it’s my heart. 

My bones ache and I wonder if Eren can feel the ache too. I wonder if he can feel the same raw feeling as me. I wonder if he knows. I can understand why he wouldn’t know as he’s so god damn oblivious most of the time. Part of me has learnt to cover the raw feeling but instead of covering it with a bandage, I cover it with straps and my manoeuvre gear. I buckle the straps tightly against my skin so I can concentrate more on the friction of the straps than the friction in Eren and I’s relationship. It’s just another type of pain to focus on, this existence feels like a build-up of pain and one day it’ll end with blood splatters and missing limbs over a battlefield. 

The world is cruel and it never gives me what I want, it’s so fucking unfair that I have to go through this. Yes I may be selfish but this is the only thing I have ever truly desired and craved. I lay awake each night thinking of multiple plans that are impossible but seem possible in my naïve mind. Some nights he is metres away from me in the barracks and I so desperately want to reach out and touch him, hold him or do anything, but I have lost all strength. Other nights he is less than a metre away from me, sometimes a few centimetres. But late night meetings staring at the stars and kissing can only sustain me for such a period of time.

Life is an hourglass and my pile of sand is getting bigger by the second, and I’m scared. In the end we’re all going to run out of time. I hope someone somewhere can smash my hourglass because I feel like my time is up.

**Author's Note:**

> soz


End file.
